Surveying the Burnt Bridge
As we enter a new month with Spring in the air and we close with the Christian tradition of Lent, I want to share an experience I recently had with putting out a burning bridge. The old saying is ‘don’t burn bridges when you leave an employer, because someday you might need them as a reference or need a job from them.’ My recent experience is not so much needing a reference or job but needing to stay virtuous (or exhibiting moral excellence) to those whom I either currently lead or have led.
This past Lenten season, I decided to avoid the tradition of giving up something, but to give something by writing a letter every day to a person that I have felt I have either wronged, found grievance with, or had disdain of my own actions towards them. I understand your thoughts might be how many individuals I have been less than kind towards in my career (“Gosh you’ve really pissed-off 40 people?”), but this self-realization goes along with how many times I have felt wronged either by mistreatment or inequality from my managers/leaders.
At the beginning of Lent, I wrote to a former team member from many moons ago when I was first starting in a leadership role at a different employer. The premise is that when I was their manager, I wanted conformance to my instructions, my way of how to do things, and that I was right, and others were wrong. I admit, when leading this individual, I was not the person I am today. I felt compelled to not ask for forgiveness but for wisdom stating that during this Lenten preparation, I was simply praying for them for strength, courage, and wisdom so that I can be virtuous to those I lead today, and in return I will do the same.
Not expecting any response, much less from this individual, to my surprise I did receive one! Upon receiving the letter in the mail, it included how awful I treated them, how it felt being under a microscope, and being instructed by a drill sergeant. I never realized my managing/leading was perceived/received that way, but I was being raw in my letter so why should I not expect a raw response. The individual proceeded to state that the disdain for me was the reason for leaving the employer bitterly and feeling little and unworthy for years, honest in letting me know it took a long time to regain competency of self-worth. The last context of the letter was to inform me that it was a surprise to receive correspondence from me since our last encounter was tumultuous, but more surprising that I asked for their prayers. There was appreciation was expressed for my reaching out to not only make amends but to ask for forgiveness in my short ask. The individual, now in a leadership role, has fallen into the same exasperated management style experienced with me, making their team members feel worthless. In short, my prayers were requested in return, as well as being able to connect and share experiences, resources and insight on how to be a better and effective leader.
My moral objective is to better see the merit in each person and to allow dignity to the individuals I lead by treating them as a person and not just a subject or another employee. This starts with not seeing the individuals as employees, but as those who provide merit to your organization’s objectives, and to assist them with finding a way out if they are not meeting those objectives with respect.
I agreed to the meeting because I want to continuously grow in my leadership learning, and our first encounter will be in the next coming months over coffee. My message is to find value in each person and to allow and help them to discover their value or to redirect them with respect and honesty. Hopefully, this first encounter will be the start to dousing out that burnt bridge.
Authored by Jason J. Claes, Oncology Clinical Research Manager
TriHealth Cancer Institute
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